What if…I can’t care?

We’d had such little outside support, that when Dad was diagnosed with cancer, we just automatically kept muddling on.

Dad was mum’s main carer, and her dementia had advanced to a stage where she couldn’t safely be left alone. We’d only just started having someone to come in to give Dad a break for two hours a week.

We quickly developed a plan to support both our parents. This involved as many family members as possible at short notice covering getting Dad to his chemo sessions and looking after mum, while juggling jobs and families, with only one of us living in the area. This loose arrangement fell apart completely when Dad died suddenly a few weeks later.

Mum was placed in a residential care home, but it was arranged in a rush and the home was inappropriate for her needs. On her first night there, she became panicked and disorientated and tried to escape. They refused to continue her care and insisted she was sectioned.

Two days after Dad’s sudden death, my siblings and I were taking turns sitting with Mum in A and E for over 28 hours, waiting for her to be put into a mental health facility. It felt like mum was being punished for having dementia. Helen, dementia carer