We See You – Lesley

Dementia will affect one in two of us in our lifetimes. Caring for a loved one with dementia is often tough and exhausting. People don’t realise how all-consuming it can be. Few are aware of what help is available. Many dementia carers struggle to cope and nine in ten reach crisis point.

Lesley shares how our support made a difference to her when she felt she was all but sinking and how we helped her to cope.

I found out about Dementia Carers Count last year. I immediately registered for a new series of six calls they were about to run for ‘children’ carers who wanted to keep their parent with dementia at home.

I was a 55 year old child paddling furiously below the surface (and screaming a lot above it) during my first six months of being what I learned was known as a full time unpaid carer to my 81 year old mum, who I wanted, and continue to want, to help to stay in her home of 50 years.

Probably the first thing that really struck me was how unique, and different, and challenging in different ways, every single one of our realities was, and what we were experiencing. Of course, we are all unique. So, balancing our approach as carers with the individuals we knew our parents to be, was always going to be different. However, it really struck me that the ONLY thing we really all had in common was the word ‘dementia’. All of our situations, all of the variables, were different. Things that worked for some didn’t and wouldn’t ever work for others.

But that didn’t make the sessions pointless. Quite the opposite. What I realised more than anything was that I had needed to be heard. I’d needed a safe and appropriate space where I could share my personal situation and be accepted, fully, without rejection, judgement, assessment, bureaucracy, question, or comparison.

I realised that, although we were situated all across the UK, I wasn’t alone. I felt very personally and compassionately heard and respected for everything I was trying to do and be for Mum. I felt validated in a way I hadn’t been before.

Lorraine, who was facilitating the calls, made sure we all had space to share, ask, cry, vent, whatever we needed. She also offered emotional support and practical resources where appropriate.

Possibly the most beautiful and long-term gift that I received from the series of calls was a new friend.

I continue to be grateful to Dementia Carers Count for the opportunity to participate in such a deeply relevant and valuable series of calls. I’m grateful to Lorraine for her open embrace of every single one of us.

I also continue to feel reassured by my connection to the charity. I have recommended it to many carers of people with dementia over the past year. Some have actively approached Dementia Carers Count for help, guidance, support, and advocacy when they’ve been lost and sinking.

Dementia carers do so much, but are often hidden from public view or taken for granted. 9 in 10 say they are reaching crisis point.

We’re making dementia carers like Lesley visible through our We See You campaign.

Donations help keep our services free, so carers have somewhere to turn, and know they’re not alone.